Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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