Whod you bang
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You left your phone here
Wait...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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