im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
