do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
