i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
what day is it and did you see me today?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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