WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
