i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
