We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
