Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The adults are the big ones right?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
