Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
