So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
