I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
