So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
