what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
