You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
