She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
