did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
its not stalking. its research.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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