I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
