Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm just crazy horny about you
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
