My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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