On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
