Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
