dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
