I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
