that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
