my mouth tastes like poor choices
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
