i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
