I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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