Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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