You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
