how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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