her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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