last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
