dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
