Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
