i think my tv is drunk
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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