I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
