Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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