Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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