Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
