Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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