it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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