you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
