my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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