So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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