the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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