I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
