Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
