I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
