The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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