After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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